The words she said
by bubblysage
Summary: After living in London for the past four years, Shinichi decided to finally come back to Japan and confess his feelings for Ran. Fate seemed to have other plans.


I.

_Dong… Dong… Dong_

The tolling of the bells caused Shinichi to stop and stare up at the huge clock tower. A sudden wave of melancholy hit him as he remembered a particular memory, too long ago it seems, when he was here with Ran.

_He exited the phone booth, turning back to his original 16-year old body thanks to the temporary antidote from Haibara, and came face to face with his childhood friend, Ran. Feigning confidence, Shinichi schooled his features to reflect none of the heart-pounding excitement running through his body. "Oi, Ran, what's the big deal?"_

_Ran looked at him with wide eyes, shock clearly evident on her face. Shinichi melted at the look in her eyes – joy, anticipation, concern? "I got excited for nothing." Ran said in a small voice. He almost reached out but Ran suddenly turned her gaze away. After a few minutes, it became clear that she was upset. "If you're a detective, at the very least, you should be able to deduce what's in my heart!"_

_When she looked up, tears spilled from her eyes, and Shinichi wanted nothing more than to grab her and wipe them away. As if realizing what she had just said, Ran took a step back, staring wide-eyed at Shinichi, then she sprinted and ran past him. Shinichi tried to grab her but he missed. "Ran, wait!"_

_He chased after her, arms outstretched as he inched closer. Just when he thought she was completely getting away, Shinichi reached forward and finally caught hold of Ran's arm._

_"Let go of me!" Ran tried to shake him off._

_Shinichi didn't wait to catch his breath. "Man, you're like a tough case, you know?" He said in between ragged breaths, his voice coming out a little hoarse against the biting cold. He felt Ran stiffen against his hold. "With all these distractions, even if I were Holmes, I'd still have a difficult time."_

_He swallowed, his heartbeat pounding too fast in his ears and his cheeks red from the cold and maybe something else. "The heart of the woman one loves… how can someone accurately deduce that?"_

_His breaths were coming out more ragged now and his heart felt like it would burst out of his chest. Ran's skin beneath his fingers felt too warm to touch and he nearly let go, if not for the fact that he didn't have the strength to run after her – not with his legs like jelly, feeling as if he would collapse right there on the sidewalk._

_Ran looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears, and Shinichi blushed beet-red, heart pounding so loud he wondered if she could hear it._

The blaring police siren jolted Shinichi out of his reverie. He watched as several patrol cars zoomed past him. He fished his phone out of the pocket of his coat and sure enough, it vibrated after a few seconds. Shinichi eyed the caller ID on the screen before shaking his head and accepting the call.

"Hakuba, I'm on the east side of the bridge. Pick me up and you can brief me on the way." He said, without greeting the person on the other end of the line.

_"Sometimes I wonder if you're truly cursed or just plain unlucky."_ Hakuba Saguru, a detective like himself, wryly commented before telling him that he was on his way.

Shinichi pocketed his phone after the brief conversation, scanning the crowd before turning his attention back to the clock tower.

It seemed like a lifetime ago when a trial drug turned his body back into a six-year old's. After seemingly unending months of searching for clues and partnering up with multiple agencies within and outside Japan, he finally managed to take down the Organization. It took several more months after that, before Haibara, a scientist previously working for the organization, finally developed the antidote that would reverse his condition, and at least one more month before she deemed his condition fully stable.

Most of his friends – Hattori, Sera, even Amuro – assumed he would pick up where he left off and continue living in Japan. Yet Shinichi felt as if he had aged several years after the whole ordeal and had the sudden inexplicable need to leave and go someplace where he could…think, breathe, sort out his life. When his father mentioned moving to London to work on his new book and asked Shinichi if he'd like to go, Shinichi didn't even think twice about accepting.

The only thing he was concerned about was how to tell Ran, with whom he shared too much memories ever since they were little kids, and whom stayed by him throughout the whole "Conan" ordeal and even after. He remembered the day he told her about his decision.

_It was a few days before he was supposed to leave with his family. He called up Ran and asked her to meet him at Tropical Land. They spent the day going through different attractions, trying out various rides, catching up on school gossip, and mostly just goofing off. Shinichi made sure Ran's experience this time around was more enjoyable than when they had first visited._

_When night time came, Shinichi led Ran towards the fountain in the middle of the park, counting down the seconds until the water spouted off from the ground. When they reached the middle and the water show began, Shinichi inhaled deeply, preparing himself for the explanation he had to give to Ran. He was caught by surprise when he turned and she was looking at him with an understanding, albeit pained, expression on her face._

_They stood like that, the water dancing around them in colorful splashes, and the sounds of the amusement park faded away until it was almost a soft melody playing in the background._

_Shinichi realized how long they'd been staring at each other and blushed, but he didn't take his eyes off Ran. His hand went up, reaching towards her, and his heart lurched when he saw her clasp his outstretched hand in both of hers. Then Ran squeezed his hand and gave him a big smile, eyes shut tight, the corners of her eyes glistening with tears._

_For a moment, Shinichi could only gape at the brave front Ran was presenting him. 'She knows!' He thought and felt an ache in his heart. His throat had suddenly gone dry and he couldn't speak. When he finally managed to find his voice, he could only muster a feeble, "Ran…"_

_"You're going off again, aren't you? Mou… You and your adventures." Ran said, finally opening her eyes, and Shinichi watched the tears roll down her cheeks. The smile never left her face, though, and Shinichi burned with shame at the realization of how often he'd seen that smile. "Well at least this time you got to say goodbye properly, ne?" Ran beamed at him, shutting her eyes tight as fresh tears fell._

_Shinichi reached with his free hand and wiped away her tears. 'Baka, don't smile and then cry like that.' He thought fondly, his thumb swiping at the moisture underneath Ran's lashes. "Barou, it's not like you can't call or message anytime. We're in the digital age, you know." Shinichi said softly, attempting to pass off the sudden wave of loneliness he felt with humor._

_Ran chuckled and wiped her tears, letting go of Shinichi's hand in the process. "Yes, and you're so good at responding to messages and calls, right?"_

_For a moment, Shinichi was silent, immediately missing the warmth of Ran's hands against his own. He looked up to see her looking at him, head inclined to one side, looking…less sad. It was brief but Shinichi felt like taking Ran's hand and telling her that… '...that what, Shinichi?' He asked himself. 'That she means a lot to you but not enough to make you stay?' "You have to call me and tell me all about your matches."_

_Ran's eyes widened but she didn't say anything. Instead, she nodded and gave him another one of her smiles. Shinichi felt like a fraud, standing there, looking at her. He wanted to tell her, to ask her to wait for him, but he stopped himself. 'Haven't you been selfish enough?' Shinichi clenched his hand into a fist._

_He opened his mouth to say something when the water show restarted, catching Ran by surprise. She squealed when it sprayed her lightly, but it soon turned to laughter. Shinichi could only watch as the tension seemed to drain out of Ran with each laugh that shook her body. He decided against saying more on the matter and contented himself with watching her._

Shinichi looked down in time to see a black car pull up to a stop against the sidewalk. The passenger side window rolled down and he saw Hakuba motion for him to get in. Shinichi opened the door and stepped in, seating himself comfortably on the passenger side before buckling his seatbelt.

Hakuba looked carefully over his right shoulder before pulling back into the traffic. "You looked a little pensive there. Care to share?" Hakuba asked after a few minutes, though his eyes remained on the road ahead.

"Tell me about the case." Shinichi countered, eyes trained to the passing scenery outside his window, completely missing the thoughtful gaze Hakuba sent his way.

"Housekeeper discovered a dead body in one of the guest bedrooms…" Hakuba rattled off the details of the case and Shinichi listened with half an ear, his mind already halfway across the planet.

II.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight BA0005 bound for Tokyo, Japan."

Shinichi tuned out the rest of the pre-flight announcement and stared across the tarmac from his window. He woke up this morning with a slight fuzzy feeling in his stomach and he briefly wondered if it was due to excitement or trepidation.

"Sir, please put on your seatbelt, we are about to take off." A passing flight attendant reminded a passenger seated along the aisle, and Shinichi turned away from the window momentarily to check his own.

As the plane started to taxi down the runway, Shinichi leaned back in his seat and stared out the window again. So much has happened in four years, and he smiled wryly at a particular memory from when he was still a freshman.

_Shinichi checked his watch and realized he had to get going. He stood and gathered his books on the table, haphazardly shoving them inside his bag. Then he hoisted the backpack over his shoulder and walked towards the exit. The crisp winter air stung his cheeks and he adjusted his jacket, trying to keep warm._

_The library in his university was fairly large, housed in a Victorian-style building that stood tall and imposing, situated in the far west side of the university. The building's entrance, dwarfed by richly carved Doric columns, opens up to granite stone steps leading to a magnificent lawn dotted by copper beech trees. In the summer, the lawn would be covered with students milling around and soaking in the sun. Now it was barren, with only a few people huddled around stone benches scattered about._

_Shinichi was halfway down the steps when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He slowed down and paused on the final step as he pulled it out._

_ M_Ran: Shinichi, something came up and I'm afraid I won't be able to come visit you over winter break._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: What do you mean you're not coming to visit?_

_Suddenly annoyed, Shinichi pocketed his phone after sending his reply and continued walking across the grounds towards where his next class would be. He entered the lecture hall and picked a spot in the back. When he finally settled on his seat, Shinichi took out his phone again awaiting Ran's reply. He sighed when he saw the time, realizing he may not receive a response given that it was almost midnight in Japan. He leaned back in his seat, put the phone on his desk, and closed his eyes._

_He heaved a long sigh, trying to ward off the incredible loneliness he felt after reading Ran's message. He has been living in London for the past six months, alone for the most part since his father usually jetted off to parts unknown for long periods of time. While he welcomed the solace that a new environment gave him, he missed his friends and he often wished they could come visit him. When Ran told him that she would be spending her winter break in London, he started counting down the days and made a list of places to visit and things to do._

_The sudden buzzing of his phone startled him, prompting him to sit up._

_ M_Ran: I'm really sorry, Shinichi. It was a sudden thing and I couldn't say no to Mom._  
_ M_Ran: Let's try maybe over spring break? Sonoko said she'll try and convince Makoto-kun to take the trip with us._

_Shinichi's fingers hovered over the keypad, all of a sudden unsure what to say. In the end, he decided to forego sending a reply until he has his head sorted out. Instead, he pressed the icon to send a new message and typed out Hattori's email address._

_ Heisei_Holmes: Hattori…_  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: Yo, Kudo, what's up?_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Ran's not coming over for winter break..._  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: Neechan? Why?_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Something about an important thing with her mom…_  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: ..._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: …_  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: …_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Spit it out, Hattori._  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: Well, you could come visit her instead._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: …_  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: What's so bad about coming back to Japan?_  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: Are you still worried about them?_

_After taking down the Organization, Shinichi could only think about getting his 16-year-old body back. When Haibara finally came up with a permanent cure, Shinichi was ecstatic, but it was short-lived as the full implication of being a 16-year-old again came crashing down on him. He remembered the nights he woke up in a cold sweat, plagued by nightmares about the Organization resurfacing. He remembered the paranoia of uncaught Organization members tracking him and his loved-ones down. He no longer felt safe even in his own house._

_It was ironic, because while he was still "Conan", he had never once felt afraid to go up against the Organization. Maybe he had felt that after shrinking into the body of a six-year-old, he barely had anything left to lose. But now that he had gotten his life and his body back, the stakes were higher and he was less inclined to take such life-threatening risks._

_The phone in his hand buzzed again and Shinichi was forced to focus on the present._

_ Nishi_no_tantei: Kudo?_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Sorry, I was distracted._  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: It's just for a few days or weeks at the most. If you want I can ask Otaki-han to put a detail on you._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Thanks Hattori. I'll let you know. Listen, I gotta go. Prof's here._  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: Anytime._  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: And Kudo?_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Yeah?_  
_ Nishi_no_tantei: If I find out that you visited Japan without coming to Osaka, I WILL beat you up! :-D_

_Shinichi grinned before setting his phone down, cradling his chin in his right hand. The professor came in about 10 minutes earlier and started his lecture, but Shinichi wasn't worried about missing out on anything – he had a knack for getting good grades despite not paying attention. Tuning out his professor, he thought back on the conversation he had just had with Hattori._

_Aside from Ran, the Professor, and Haibara, he didn't tell anyone else that he was going overseas for an indefinite period of time. Hattori only found out a few months after Shinichi was already in London. Shinichi smiled wryly at the memory of Hattori chewing him out for a good hour over the phone. After that, Hattori regularly kept in touch, often exchanging views with Shinichi about ongoing cases. Shinichi was grateful that Hattori didn't begrudge his sudden departure, and that the he and the Osaka detective remained friends._

_He stayed in touch with Professor Agasa and Haibara as well, mostly to keep tabs on his parents' house and to get the occasional update on the goings-on in the Detective Boys' lives. Shinichi wasn't the least bit surprised when Haibara decided not to take the antidote. There was something refreshing about being given a chance to start over one's life. He felt Haibara understood him as well, because she didn't seem fazed when Shinichi informed her and the Professor of his plans to leave. Though perhaps their reasons may have been different – for Haibara, she wanted a fresh start, but for Shinichi, he felt suffocated from the expectation of living a life, a future, that he no longer saw for himself._

_'Am I ready to go back?' Shinichi asked himself. He decided to push the idea out of his mind for the time-being and tried to focus his attention back on class._

"Sir, would you like anything to drink?"

Shinichi was shaken out of his thoughts by the flight attendant, who looked at him expectantly. He smiled and shook his head. "No, thank you." He was still worried about his stomach and thus refrained from drinking anything during the flight.

Looking back out the window again, Shinichi gazed at the rapidly disappearing aerial view of London, and watched it become smaller and smaller until it completely faded from view as the plane continued to soar high into the sky.

III.

_"Shinichi, how was your flight?"_

"It went ok, Mom. Why are you even awake at this hour?"

_"Oh, I set an alarm. I wanted to call as soon as your plane landed. So, are you meeting Ran today?"_

"Yeah, I'm gonna drop my stuff at home and say hello to the Professor, then I'll go straight over to the Mouris!"

_"Ok, call me as soon as she says yes!"_

"Mom! That's not—how did you even know—"

_"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I'm your mother, Shinichi! I may not be a detective like you, or a crime novelist like your father, but I have my instincts. Why else would you suddenly want to go back to Japan after three years?"_

"That's not sufficient enough to—"

_"Call it woman's intuition. Plus, your announcement to do your post-graduate in Japan was a dead giveaway. And what does it matter how I arrived at that conclusion, I'm right, aren't I?"_

"…"

_"Your silence speaks volumes. Well, give my love to Ran, ok? And call me the moment she says yes!"_

"Will do, Mom!"

_"I love you!"_

"…"

_"Shinichi!"_

"Love you too."

Shinichi grinned before pocketing his phone. He took a deep breath then walked towards the exit, where a gust of warm air greeted him. He shielded his eyes from the afternoon sun and hailed a cab, starting to sweat due to the warmer climate.

The ride to his parents' house brought a feeling of nostalgia for Shinichi, who watched the passing scenery with a solemn look on his face. He still has mixed feelings about coming back to Japan, but after thinking it over for some weeks, he finally decided that he wanted to be with Ran. They could sort out the minor details, such as living arrangements, in due time, though he wouldn't be opposed to living in Japan for a while.

During his first year of living in London, Ran regularly kept in touch with him and even visited over spring break, along with Sonoko and Makoto. Shinichi chuckled softly as he remembered what happened.

_Shinichi leaned back against the side of his car, idly watching the people walking by. He checked the time on his watch and then craned his neck towards the airport exit, scanning the crowd for familiar faces. When he spotted her telltale ebony hair, he raised his hand and waved. "Ran! Over here!"_

_Ran looked up after hearing his voice and smiled when their gazes met. She turned her head briefly to talk to someone behind her, then began walking towards him. Shinichi took his time observing Ran, whom he had not seen for nearly a year. She seemed taller somehow or perhaps it was simply the confident way she seemed to carry herself. He smiled appreciatively at the wide smile on Ran's face and the glow in her dark blue eyes, and a warm, fuzzy feeling swelled within him. He stilled himself from jumping to his feet and reaching out for Ran, not wanting to reveal just how much he had missed her._

_Yet, as Ran slowed to a stop before him, Shinichi met her gaze and allowed himself to openly smile. His cheeks felt warm and maybe his eyes revealed more than they should. His heartbeat pounded erratic rhythms in his chest and his throat felt too dry that he dared not speak out. The world faded away and there was only Ran, standing in front of him._

_A loud screeching in his ear broke Shinichi out of his reverie. "SHINICHI! How could you just leave Ran like that?" Sonoko screamed, which caused some of the passers-by to stop and stare at them. Sonoko was undeterred though as she stood squarely in front of Shinichi and pointed a threatening finger at him. "You're a terrible husband! Be thankful that Ran is a sweet and kind person! And don't even think of cheating on Ran, do you hear me? Or you'll be hearing from me and I'll have Makoto beat you up!"_

_Shinichi was sure his face resembled a tomato after Sonoko's lecture, and his only consolation was the fact that Ran was equally red in the face. Some passers-by glared at the spectacle they caused, but Sonoko remained unfazed. 'She is really more like mother than her father sometimes.' Shinichi thought amusedly, smiling as Makoto stepped in to calm Sonoko and ushered her towards the car._

_The sound of soft laughter brought his gaze back to Ran, and Shinichi's heart slammed into his chest. He had known for a long time that Ran was special to him, and the sight of Ran softly chuckling, only reinforced those feelings inside him. "Sorry, Shinichi. You know how Sonoko can be sometimes." Ran said after she had stopped laughing._

_"I don't blame her. Some of what she said have merits." Shinichi said, not taking his eyes off of Ran's. He wanted to let her know, even if just a little bit, that his decision to leave Japan and stay in London had never been easy for him. "The decision to—" Shinichi wanted to say, 'leave you behind' but he faltered at the last moment. "—hadn't been easy for me to make, and I'm grateful that you never gave me a hard time about it. I wouldn't know what to do if you had, to be honest."_

_Ran blushed profusely and Shinichi wanted to reach out and pull her into an embrace. He had known since high school, before he had turned into "Conan", that if he ever were to marry, it would be with Ran. There was never, and has never been, anyone else but Ran._

_"Well, if you two are done making googly-eyes at each other, maybe we can leave and start exploring London!" Sonoko yelled through the open window, while Makoto tried to quiet her down from the backseat of the car._

_There was a split-second of awkward tension that hung between them, then they both burst out laughing. When both had calmed down, Ran beamed up at Shinichi and for the first time in a while, Shinichi felt like everything was going to be just fine._

A slight bump on the road brought Shinichi back to the present. As his gaze refocused, he saw the long queue of cars up ahead. Soon the car came to a halt. "It looks like there's an accident up ahead." The cab driver commented.

Suddenly feeling bored and knowing that the heavy traffic would take a while to clear, Shinichi settled deeper into his seat and pulled out his phone. He began scrolling through his messages, mulling over whether to tell anyone of his arrival. His fingers stopped when he came across his and Ran's most recent argument.

During his first few months, Shinichi managed to keep up regular communications with Ran, even video-calling her on weekends or right after any of her major tournaments. As the months and years passed, they began to communicate less and less – both being preoccupied with their respective course workloads and Shinichi having additional responsibilities with his part-time work at Scotland Yard with Hakuba.

_ M_Ran: Shinichi you need to take better care of yourself._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: What brought this on?_  
_ M_Ran: I heard from Kazuha that you worked on a case for days without sleep._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Hattori shouldn't be telling Kazuha such things._  
_ M_Ran: Maybe he tells her because he's also worried about you._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Hattori should mind his own business._  
_ M_Ran: Shinichi!_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: …_  
_ M_Ran: Mou… Shinichi, your health is more important than any case._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: I'm not a little kid, Ran._  
_ M_Ran: …_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: And don't bring Conan into this._  
_ M_Ran: Oh sure, maybe next time you take on another dangerous case, you might actually get killed instead!_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: I'm not discussing this with you._  
_ M_Ran: Yes, because you're so good at not discussing things. Just like last time._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Last time?_  
_ M_Ran: And the time before that, and the time before…_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: I seriously don't have time for this right now, Ran…_  
_ M_Ran: Yeah, your case right?_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Ran…_  
_ M_Ran: Shinichi, when will you understand? We care about you._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: …_  
_ M_Ran: You're living by yourself, so far away. If something were to happen to you…_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: You're being ridiculous._  
_ M_Ran: Oh for crying out loud! I don't know why I even bother!_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: I told you, I'm not a little kid. I can take care of myself. Stop worrying about nothing._  
_ M_Ran: Well, excuse me for worrying!_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Why is this suddenly my fault?_  
_ M_Ran: …_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: I have to go._  
_ M_Ran: You do that._  
_ Heisei_Holmes: Ran… I…_  
_ Heisei_Holmes: I'll message you later, ok?_

Guilt overcame Shinichi as he read back the conversation and he sighed as he realized it wasn't the first time it happened. They've accumulated a number of heated arguments and disagreements, going so far as not speaking for months on end at one point. This last argument took a toll on Shinichi. He remembered how they didn't speak for several weeks after the incident. He went back to the messages on his phone.

_ M_Ran: Shinichi?_  
_ M_Ran: I tried calling you the other day but you didn't pick up. I left you a voicemail._

By the time Ran restarted their communication, about a month after, Shinichi became buried with a new case, which took him and Hakuba months to close, along with a mountain of deadlines and requirements for his final year at university. Ran continued to send him messages but he was never able to reply.

_ M_Ran: Are you still mad at me?_  
_ M_Ran: Tokyo Spirits is playing against Big Osaka next weekend. Are you going to watch it?_

_ M_Ran: I know your phone still works because your Mom said you sent her a message recently._  
_ M_Ran: Shinichi, there's something important I need to tell you._

When he finally reemerged from under all his responsibilities – both academically and in his part-time work – Shinichi realized that he needed to make it up to Ran, and a simple text message or call would not suffice. He decided to make amends in person and to finally ask for her hand in marriage. He came to this conclusion, when, despite being neck-deep in a case, he found himself still thinking about Ran and about how much he wanted to see her. He vowed to himself that as soon as the case was over and his requirements for graduation were finalized, he would jump on a plane to go see Ran.

The taxi finally pulled up in front of his parents' house. Shinichi hopped off and stared past the wrought-iron gates at the two-story mansion, which had not been lived in since he left four years ago. He pushed the gate open and walked up to the front door, fishing a key out of his pocket and unlocking the door. He pushed it open all the way, taking in the feeling of looking at the familiar hallway, before stepping over the threshold and then closing the door behind him. Sighing and feeling uncharacteristically sad at the thought of spending time inside another empty house, Shinichi dropped his bags by the nearest table. He decided to unpack later and headed out back towards the Professor's place.

Due to the time he spent between his parents' house and the Professor's while he was still "Conan", they had decided to install a subtle pathway that cut through both houses without having to pass through the front doors. Shinichi unlatched the small gate and crossed over to the Professor's house, looking up and wondering why it seemed so quiet.

Not bothering to knock, Shinichi pushed the door open and walked inside. "Professor, are you here? I've just arrived back from London!" He called out from the hallway, as he made his way towards the common area, expecting to see Haibara seated over by the counter, drinking her usual mug of coffee. He stopped in the middle of the room and was met with absolute silence. _Nobody's home?_ He thought, looking around and listening for any sounds of life in the house.

Thinking the Professor might have taken the kids on a camping trip somewhere, Shinichi started to slightly regret not telling anyone that he was arriving today. He was about to leave when a fancy looking envelope, lying on the Professor's coffee table, caught his eye. Shinichi picked it up, noting the thickness of the paper and thinking that whoever commissioned this invitation must have spent a fortune. He turned the envelope on its back and saw the Professor's name scribbled in stylish calligraphy.

More curious than ever, Shinichi turned over the envelope again and pulled out a thick piece of parchment paper. _Oh, it's a wedding invitation_, Shinichi thought to himself, recognizing the words written on the top in the same stylish calligraphy. _I wonder who's getting mar— _his thoughts came to a halt when his eyes saw the bride's name, written in the center, in huge, bold, characters. His eyes scanned the rest of the paper, then he dropped it and sprinted from the room.

IV.

Shinichi wasn't entirely sure how he ended up back home. The last thing he remembered was seeing Ran in the embrace of another man. Before he knew it, he was standing in front of his parents' old house in Beika. He pushed the gate open and trudged up the doorway, all the while remembering the serene smile on Ran's face. He unlocked the door, his hands moving automatically, and slipped inside. He turned around and closed the door, and at the telltale _click!_ he bumped his head against the wooden panel, hand pressed against the doorknob.

Exhaustion suddenly caught up with him, considering his plane had landed a mere six hours ago. His legs gave out and he crumpled to the floor, landing on his knees, hand still clutching the knob, the metal suddenly cold against his palm.

He bumped his head against the door again and then the tears fell. It felt foreign to him, this feeling of utter defeat. His free hand clutched at the front of his shirt, as if trying to claw out the immeasurable pain he was feeling. The tears continued to fall and he stayed like that until he felt spent, and even then, a memory would resurface and the tears would start anew.

Shinichi couldn't remember when he curled up into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest, lying motionless on the floor of his parents' house. The pain in his heart was so excruciating that he cried for hours. When he felt as if no more tears would come, he pushed off of the floor and crawled towards the nearby couch. He pulled himself up and sprawled across the cushions. He stared at the ceiling, not really seeing anything except the memory of Ran's sweet, serene smile. Shinichi draped one of his arms across his eyes, feeling too exhausted to cry, and yet, he felt tears roll down his face. It was a long time before he succumbed to sleep.

He woke up to the scent of food, his stomach grumbling as he attempted to sit up. Slightly disoriented, Shinichi wondered briefly what he was doing sleeping on the couch in the open hallway. Then he remembered what had happened yesterday and he suddenly felt lethargic despite just waking up. He considered lying down again but his curiosity won over, prompting him to get up and walk towards the kitchen.

Sunlight streamed through the huge windows in his parents' kitchen, bathing everything in an almost bright light. Shinichi flinched at the sudden glare, and, temporarily blinded, he could only make out the silhouette of someone standing over the kitchen stovetop. A sudden wave of familiarity came over him and he hesitated to take the next step.

Shinichi's hand lingered against the wooden jamb of the kitchen doorway, and he leaned against it for support. When his vision cleared, he immediately recognized Ran, her long, black hair flowing unbound down her back. Not trusting himself to speak nor move forward, Shinichi watched as Ran went through the motions of cooking.

Memories of early mornings when Ran would drop by and prepare him breakfast surfaced in his mind, rousing an ache so deep in his heart that his hand tightened its hold against the doorjamb. He must have stayed that way for a long time because he was caught by surprise when Ran suddenly called out to him.

"Oh, you're awake!" She must have finished, because Shinichi saw the stove had been turned off, and Ran was now ladling the contents of a pot into a bowl. She pulled off her oven mitts, setting them on the counter, then looked up. Shinichi's gut clenched at the thought of meeting Ran's gaze, but she inclined her head to look past his shoulder and towards the open door.

Shinichi straightened up, exercising extreme control not to turn his head and follow her gaze. It didn't take a detective to guess what, or who, rather, was out there. The low rumbling of an engine could be heard in the distance, and he berated himself for being distracted and overlooking that detail when he woke up earlier.

"You left before I could talk to you." Ran said, and Shinichi was forced to meet her gaze. "Yesterday, outside the chapel, I mean."

Shinichi imagined multiple possibilities of how his encounter with Ran would be, after nearly three years of not seeing each other, but what happened yesterday was definitely not one of them.

He vaguely recalled how he dashed madly from the Professor's house and out into the street, frantically hailing a cab to take him to the destination posted on the invitation. He remembered that the entire ride had passed by in a blur and that the driver had had to rouse him out of his stupor.

_Heart beating a mile a minute, Shinichi looked out the cab's window and saw a large crowd gathered outside a chapel. He handed the driver some bills and told him to keep the meter running._

_When he finally mustered the courage to get out of the cab, Shinichi pushed the car door open and stepped out onto the curb. Not wanting to call attention to himself, he stood behind the trunk of a large Ginkgo tree and observed the scene playing out on the chapel steps._

_Ran looked resplendent in a white wedding dress, reminiscent of the costume she wore as the lead character in a play back during their high school days. The memory caused a sharp ache in his heart, making him ball his hand into a fist. He bit his lip as he remembered the feel of Ran's arms around him, her body pressed tightly against his._

_A loud cheer from the crowd shook him out of his thoughts and he looked up in time to see Ran beaming at the crowd, clutching a bouquet of red roses in one hand, while her other hand was wrapped around the arm of the man beside her. Shinichi turned his gaze away, afraid he'd cry on the spot if he saw the face of the man Ran chose to marry. 'The man she replaced me with,' Shinichi thought bitterly._

_Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he decided he had seen enough and turned to leave, but not before sneaking one last look at Ran. A tender emotion washed over him as he gazed up at the serene smile on her face. She looked like something out of a fairy tale book, with her dress billowing around her and the lace veil on her head floating, while stray strands of her ebony hair were ruffled by the soft wind that was blowing._

_When Ran turned to smile at the man beside her, Shinichi felt as if a vice was squeezing his heart. It pained him so much to see it – the same smile that she used to give him – directed at someone else._

_A bittersweet memory suddenly flashed through his mind – of himself and Ran, during her first visit to London, as they passed by a chapel where a wedding was taking place. He vividly remembered the smile on Ran's face as she gazed fondly at the newly-wedded couple, her eyes gleaming, and tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. He remembered how she had sighed dreamily as the couple kissed and the crowd cheered, how she had giggled softly when the groom lifted the bride in his arms and kissed her a second time, how she had clapped happily, as a soft blush adorned her cheeks, when the bride tossed her bouquet in the air._

_He remembered how, when Ran turned to him, cheeks flushed and lips curved into a gentle smile, a tender emotion had come over him and he had felt an ache in his heart. At that moment, he had wanted to reach over and smooth the stray strands of hair from her face and tuck it against her ear. He had wanted to hold her chin and tilt her face up to him, so Ran could look into his eyes, and see just how much she meant to him. So that if words were not enough, his eyes would convey the depth of his feelings for her._

_Shinichi remembered how he had wanted to ask Ran to stay in London and live with him, but how she had chuckled softly to herself and said, "I imagined myself and then I thought of Dad and Mom and how they might be like at the wedding. It would be so funny." He remembered the ache that coursed through him and how he had had to clench his hands into fists. He bitterly thought that he was a selfish idiot for even thinking of asking Ran to leave Japan, to leave her family and friends behind, for him._

_He was brought back to the present when the crowd cheered. Shinichi looked up to see Ran in the embrace of another man, her eyes closed, her cheeks flushed, and her lips sealed in a passionate kiss. He turned away abruptly, tears stinging his eyes and something bitter threatening to rise from the back of his throat. He decided to walk away, staggering on his first few steps, feeling as if his whole world was upended in one fell swoop._

"Shinichi!"

He never thought that hearing his name from Ran's lips would ever be painful, until this moment. He willed himself to meet her gaze, his gut clenching and his knees suddenly feeling weak. Ran looked at him with a kind, understanding smile on her face, and Shinichi remembered all the times in the past when she had smiled at him that way. He opened his mouth, suddenly bursting with the need to tell her everything, to let her know how much he loved her.

Ran shook her head gently, as if knowing what he was about to do. "I couldn't wait anymore, Shinichi." She said. He opened his mouth to reply, but Ran held up her hand. "Please, let me finish."

Shinichi could only nod, never once taking his eyes off her.

"After our last argument, I realized that it would always be like that. Your cases would always take precedence – you tend to lose track of time and things and people around you when you're in too deep, you know? I used to admire that about you; I still do, actually. But I've outgrown being content with just that." Ran stepped forward and clasped Shinichi's hand in hers, and the memory of the last time she had performed the same gesture, brought a lump to his throat.

Ran looked up at him, wide eyes boring into him, as she said, "You will always be my first love, Shinichi. And I sincerely wish, with all my heart, that you find someone who will make you happy, the way I found someone who makes me happy." Then Ran closed the space between them and hugged him. Shinichi's hands automatically went around her, feeling comforted by her warmth, even as the cold, bitter reality seeped into his heart. All too soon, Ran stepped back and looked up at him, wearing the same smile she had that day at Tropical Land. "Goodbye, Shinichi."

He could only nod his head, the lump in his throat preventing him from saying anything. Then Ran moved past him and Shinichi kept himself still, not wanting to watch her walk away from him, afraid that if he so much as stole a look, he might run after her. He heard the front door close, yet he remained frozen where he stood, unable to move. As quickly as it came, the light from the sun dimmed inside the room and the shadows crept in. Shinichi thought it was fitting for the turmoil currently playing havoc in his heart.

V.

_Dong… Dong… Dong_

The tolling of the bells caused Shinichi to stop midway through grading his students' papers, to stare up at the huge clock tower from the window in his office. Glancing briefly at the calendar on his desk, he realized it has been a year since he went back to Japan with the intention of asking Ran to marry him. He flinched as he felt a sharp ache in his heart, remembering that it has also been a year since Ran got married.

He stared back up again at the clock tower, remembering the first time he and Ran went to London, and, not for the first time, regretted not asking her then and there to wait for him no matter what happened. He had since accepted that he was to blame for everything – he took her for granted, assuming that since she had already waited that long, she would continue to wait. He should've been more honest with her from the beginning. With a heavy sigh, Shinichi looked up at the overcast skies and sent a silent wish for Ran's happiness wherever she was.

The sudden buzzing of his phone interrupted his thoughts. Shinichi looked at the screen and saw that it was from Scotland Yard. Putting his pen down, he shuffled the papers into order and set them aside before picking up his phone and accepting the call. "Shinichi here."

The inspector greeted him cordially from the other end of the line, then went straight to business, rattling off a few details and telling Shinichi to come down to the station right away. Shinichi pulled open a notebook and began scribbling down some of the details. He ended the call and stared at his notes, 'Well, it looks like I'll be preoccupied for a while,' he thought.

-End-


End file.
